Two Lines

I've written two lines of a song that I'm currently not writing...

Don't take my money, baby.

I can be your change.

I thought that was pretty clever, and if it's real lyrics then I shall be super pissed.

I've also decided that I want to be in a Soap Opera. After Whitman, I'm going to move to New York and audition for my favorite day time drama: ONE LIFE TO LIVE.

It's General Hospital's 45th birthday. 

Today this boy in my class gave a presentation that was supposed to be about Death of a Salesman, but instead he decided to enlighten us on the power of optimism and that the world we live can be no better because it's at it's peak of greatness. He talked of the butterfly effect, and how our wardrobe choices can effect the rest of our lives. I really wanted to punch him in the face, because although I see that the glass is half full; the world is not the best it can be. We are not all in a great place in our lives. There are children dying of AID's in Africa, and those kids are being brainwashed into killing people they know. People are starving all over the world, and he thinks the world can't get any better? Give me a break. I do agree with him that the decisions we make, the big ones, do effect our future lives.

If I hadn't been such a slut last year, I wouldn't have found Christ and pursue a relationship with him. Although I completely regret everything I did, I don't regret it bringing me to God. I wish I could have found him in another way, not making out with any boy that I could get my drunken hands on, but that's life. I did it and there's nothing I can do about it now...

It's weird, but the other night I made a list of all the boys I've made out with. In the two years of actually kissing boys (my first kiss was at 16), I've kissed 16. A fourth of those boys happened in three days, I regret half of them, and 95% of them were one time deals. Anyway, I've decided that I will not kiss any boy for a whole year. I started yesterday. There are some exceptions, if I find a boy that is interested enough to date me and not just use me, then that's okay. But no more drunk making out, I'm tired of the meaningless.

I want to better my life. I wanted to be remembered in a good way. I want Jesus, my father, and my brother to be the only men in my life. I know I can count on them.

I need to change this in myself so I won't lose myself when I move far away from the people that keep me, me. 

It's true, people make you who you are. But also, I want to make myself into the independent, self-assured young woman that I yearn to be.