Well, I finally got one of these things. I was inspired by my great friend, Kellie who has one of these. I decided I should finally put my thoughts onto e-paper and see where it goes.
Sometimes I don't have anyone to share my thoughts with, which kind of freaks me out, so I figured this will be my last resort.
Yesterday was UIL poetry, and for the first time in the three years of competing, I finally advanced out of district. I should have the other two times I performed, but I always got fourth which is the alternate position. These things always make me feel like I'm not good enough, that if I can't win a dinky competition with bronze plated aluminum awards that I should just quit my dream of acting forever. The girl who won first this year was some obnoxious girl who did a pregnant piece and her intro quoted Britney Spears. Mine on the otherhand was all about finding God, and the spiritual journey of one woman who doesn't know what to believe. Who has the harder piece? Obviously me. It's poetry INTERPRETATION for God's sake. I had the hardest piece to interpret and perform and I got freaking third. I just don't appreciate not being awarded for my hardwork. I worked the hardest of any of these girls. I cut my own piece from a complete anthology of Anne Sexton poetry, came up with the idea, and finally put it into something I could perform. I was JESUS in one of my poems and two people still beat me. I almost cried.
Bright side, I advanced to Regionals which means a lot to me. Now, I just need to bring it in two weeks.
I'm leaving at two today for OAP area at Texas Tech with our show "Dancing at Lughnasa." Hopefully, we'll advance and beat this other school from our town who advanced out of District as well. I refuse to step down. I refuse to lose this. I want to go to state twice in a row, and finally get recognition for all of our hard work.
I just feel like I'm never going to be good enough, go far enough, or exceed anyone's expectations. Including my own.
