Rain

The sound of my father rolling the recyclying bins to their proper place sounds like thunder rolling through the clouds. I am back home from a grueling four day trip to Lubbock, and it didn't turn out the way we wanted to. Instead of moving on to UIL Regionals in San Angelo, we're alternate. One really good and deserving cast went on as well as a piece of shit show that baffled us that it actually advanced.

Our show was raw, honest, and as the judge told us, "Had the best moments of the whole day." Yet why didn't we move on? She never gave us a legitimate reason as to why my last performance in high school screamed to a crashing halt in a PISS ANT TOWN.

We all cried, we all had our hearts broken, and we all had to suck it up for the critique of all the shows before us. We were better than everyone. We know that. I'm not being modest because it's the truth that we deserved to move on with Guyer. Congratulations to them by the way, they work their asses off and I'm glad it's paying off.

Hold this heart when I go.

Sing my song when I go.

Sing it loud when I go.

Sing it proud when I go.

I was listening to this song on the bus ride back home, and it just made me feel a little bit better about the situation...Well, actually it made me want to cry again. I feel like I let everyone down, that if only I did better that we could have moved on and be able to perform once again. 

UIL OAP isn't like football, there isn't a score that's obvious and fact. It's one judges opinion on one day in that one 40 minute slot of time. It's biased in the extreme, there isn't a scoreboard you can track to see which performance is better than the others. Yet, I highly doubt that any of these casts and crews bonded and became a family unit as we have. We have the best directors, best actors, the most heart, and the most honest acting you will ever witness on a high school stage. We don't act, we live in our characters shoes. We breathe their air, and when they hurt, we do too. We bring to life the show.

How dare you, judge say that our show had good scenes and bad ones. High points and low. Let me tell you something. That's life. Life isn't all good scenes, sometimes life's scenes are pieces of shit. There isn't always highs. There's ultimate lows. None of our scenes were bad. They were brilliantly raw, and just because they didn't have a deaf mute writing a letter like that one POS show doesn't mean they were bad. 

I just want the rain to come, and bring on a new day.

I swear I don't know what I'll do with my time anymore...